Know Yourself, Know Your Worth

I know that I am loved, but I didn’t realize that I am treasured.  There is a difference.

The way that I see it, a person can genuinely love you and care for you, but that doesn’t necessarily stop them from hurting you, lacking consideration of you, or just plain ole’ appreciating your presence. I have been loved by many a men and friends, and I am sure that the love was real, but there is something missing when a person chooses to treat you in a manner that doesn’t resemble what love should look like or feel like.  Stick with me for a minute.

When you are treasured, there is a built in respect that comes with that, a built in loyalty that seeps into that. There’s an appreciation of the energy and vibe that you bring, a love of your light and the aura that surrounds you.  When you are treasured, people listen when you speak, whether it’s to impart some type of wisdom or to express a pain or concern.  When you are treasured, the love and honor is present in how people treat you, interact with you, and invest in you.  I knew that I was loved, but I didn’t realize how treasured I was.  This is why it is so important to know your worth or else you will find yourself taking others for granted.  I realize that I have taken so many relationships for granted because of how I viewed myself.

My sister graduated from Pace Law School on May 14, 2017 and I couldn’t have been more proud! I drove from Rochester to White Plains because I knew that this was an event that I wouldn’t miss for anything.  I was there throughout my sister’s journey, from the time that she was about 9 or 10 to now, educated and decorated and ready to take the Bar exam.  She would call me when she doubted herself or when adulting got hard and she just needed some guidance.  I was there when times were great and I was also there when times were bad and the same could be said for her as well.  We have a bond.  But it wasn’t until it was time to take pictures with everyone at her graduation and she had the world looking for me (I had went to the car to grab a drink and a bite to eat because a sista was getting a headache) that it dawned on me how much I mattered.

And it sounds corny and it sounds dramatic- why wouldn’t you matter to her after all that you two have been through?  But when you have been dismissed and pushed to the side often, felt as though your voice gets silenced or you get glazed over when expressing to another how they have hurt you, loved hard and invested in folks only for them to shade you and trade you from the very person you helped them to get over – it’s easy to feel as though you are easily dismissed.  I carry that complex within my spirit- that I am unimportant.  And because I feel as though I am replaceable, it doesn’t dawn on me how dismissive I can be in how my family and tribe of friends actually feel about me.  Just yesterday my Nana made up an excuse to get me to the house simply because she missed me.  My best friend calls me at 5:30p on the dot after a work day because she can’t wait to talk to me.  This same sister who graduated law school drove 5 hours after an exam one year just to attend my birthday bowling party.  I had to take a look at the bigger picture and realize that I feel that way about myself because I focus on the wrong shit.  Instead of worrying about the relationship fails, I need to hone in on the actions of those who are around me and loving on me every day.  I am a treasured being because the right people treasure me and are in my life.  And that made me also think too- I’m pretty dope, why wouldn’t I be treasured??

In the words of Drake, Know Yourself. Know Your Worth.  I’m just now figuring it out.

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